Bittersweet

Yesterday morning, Lee graduated from Pre-school.  He was so excited.  He even showed his Daddy one of his songs (with the cutest actions) prior to us leaving.

During the ceremony Lee was beyond cute.  He smiled and followed every instruction to the letter.  Obviously his teachers had put a lot of love and care into this special event.  Scott and I were so proud of him.

As I mentioned in my last post, I knew that it was going to be a very bittersweet day.  In the beginning it a HUGE deal for me to send Lee to Pre-school.  I seriously had such severe panic attacks about it that I had to be medicated and entered into counselling.  I remember one day, I had the application in my hand and I stood in our kitchen and literally cried until I couldn't breath.  To think that 9 months later, Lee would be graduating and I would be so pleased that I had decided to send him.

However, the happiness I felt was very overshadowed by my thoughts of my Dad.  Throughout most of the ceremony I cried for my Dad.  I knew that he was watching from Heaven, but it is very different not being able to call him and hear the joy in his voice.  I miss him for myself and I miss him for the boys.

This is just the beginning of many many life events that Dad will miss.  How I will miss talking (I mean really talking) to him about Lee (and than Owen's) first day of Kindergarten, first girlfriend, University Grad., wedding, children etc.  The list is endless.....  I love you Dad

Ok, he looks very serious in most of these pictures.  Trust me there were lots of smiles.

Life Events

Our son will graduate from Pre-School this Friday June 8th.  For many of you this may seem insignificant or silly that I am blogging about this, but for me this is going to be a very tough day. Why?  Not only is our little man growing up, but this will be the first of many life events that my Dad won't be here.

In the past my parents were unable to attend many events due to living in Ontario, however I could call them afterwards, send pictures and describe how cute the boys were.  Obviously, I can still do this with my Mom, yet it will be different.  My Dad won't be part of it.

My Dad always loved hearing about the boys and their accomplishments.  He would ask so many questions and talk about their bright futures.  He could not wait to see pictures and loved to talk to them on the phone.  He loved them so much.

I know in my heart that I can still talk to him, but it is not the same.  I am not able to hear him speak to me.  He can't ask questions.  I won't be able to see or hear the smile on his face when he talks to them.  He was supposed to be here for all of this.  I am so lost without him.  Life will never be the same.

Last night, I took his picture off my dresser and placed on my bedside table.  I just needed him closer to me.  I would do anything to feel his arms around me again.  I just hope that in some small way, Lee and Owen will remember him too.